


Souls of glass

by ChaoticNachoKitten



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Healers, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Maybe - Freeform, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rituals, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Witches, honestly it’s just alternating between angst and h/c
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticNachoKitten/pseuds/ChaoticNachoKitten
Summary: All witches have unique powers for a reason. They're supposed to use them, of course, but how much and often? Where’s the line between simply using them a lot and actually doing harm to oneself by abusing them past their breaking point? And what are the consequences of using them too much? Jan, a witch with healing powers trying her best to help everyone around her is about to find out...An angsty Jankie witch AU
Relationships: Brita Filter/Aiden Zhane, Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	Souls of glass

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy, I’m finally back^^ It’s been a while unfortunately..  
> So I got the idea for this after reading The Goode Case by Juno (of course I asked for their permission to post this.) Basically I read the word healer and decided I needed to write a whole fic about it. It turned into something more angsty than I originally intended it to be, but that’s okay:)  
> Thank you to CoolAries, Maxyfairy, CrystalisGoode and tanwrites for betaing and/or brainstorming<3

Sometimes, or well, most of the time even, having a soulmate bond was great. While it was maybe, possibly a bit overrated and glamorized, having one was a sign of true love bound to last forever. Its functions were beautiful most of the time, allowing the people who had one to share their love for each other in this very special way that couldn’t be compared to anything else. It was just one of those things you either experienced yourself and therefore knew how it felt or you didn't and couldn't quite imagine what it was like. Feeling how much someone else loved you at all times and unconditionally was beautiful and reassuring. 

The bond didn’t come without its downsides though. Feeling each other’s emotions was only nice if both people were feeling good. And in Jan’s case, it wasn’t like that currently. That meant that Jackie constantly felt her girlfriend’s current negative emotions, no matter how much Jan tried not to let them show. At the very beginning, Jackie hadn’t even believed it herself. Jan, the constantly energetic and bubbly girl being down was somewhat surreal. Worse, if the two of them hadn’t had the bond, Jackie wouldn’t even have known about it. Jan was still doing her best to keep smiling and faking that she was doing as great as ever, but the bond ruined that illusion instantly. It didn’t seem like she would be getting better anytime soon either. Jackie didn’t even have a single idea why this was happening to her girlfriend, and Jan always managed to somehow get out of the conversation, presumably because she could feel Jackie’s emotions shift every time she would try to bring it up. 

‘Maybe the healing is draining her again, and she’s trying to cover it up?,’ Jackie thought to herself while mixing a sleeping potion in her workroom for the second time today. This time, it seemed to come together the way it was supposed to be. Jan had probably managed to somehow sneak into the only room she was banned from in Jackie’s house, and the ban was for good reason. It turned out that the blonde, a witch with healing powers, therefore not specialized in potions, and an entire room of ingredients, partly poisonous ones were not a good combination. Even locking them up and labeling them “JAN NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING, IT’S GOING TO KILL YOU" in all caps had felt too unsafe. For some reason, the blonde always felt drawn to everything that wasn’t safe, especially those pretty but deadly purple flowers, very similar to wolfsbane, but a lot more toxic. Those had been the cause for a near death situation, but that was a different story, and a scenario Jackie would rather not think about again. Instead she tried to finish up her work, knowing the girl she was making the potion for would appreciate it.

That one had been the weirdest case Jackie had seen so far, and she had seen a fair share of weird cases. Living in a small village, located in a lovely big forest along with a few other witches surprisingly didn’t mean that she didn’t see humans that often. She saw plenty of them every day. The village was open to everyone that needed help, not only humans, but just about every creature (read: animals, supernatural ones were so rare that no one had ever seen them before.) Now, weirdly enough, the forest seemed to have a weird influence on people in a way that enticed them and made them feel compelled to enter it for no apparent reason. No one really knew why, but almost everyone that entered the village talked about this phenomenon. Another odd thing was that, even though nothing in the forest was really dangerous as supernatural creatures simply left humans alone because they didn’t care about them, everyone that entered the forest after feeling compelled to do so, ended up getting hurt in one way or another. So, unsurprisingly, everyone was pretty busy all the time, but they all loved to help out, and if they decided they didn’t want to do it anymore, they could just use a spell to basically create an invisible wall around the village so no one would be able to enter it anymore without their permission.

So last week, the girl had entered it, not injured, but still looking like she was in pain and as if she hadn’t gotten any sleep in months, clearly in need of immediate help. The strange thing about her though, was the fact that she refused to let Jan come close to her, let alone touch her for seemingly no reason. Eventually Jackie had gotten the scared girl to talk, and learned that she indeed had trouble sleeping all of the sudden, so Jackie had offered to help her, the girl had accepted, hence the potion making, and she would come to pick it up later that day. 

As per usual, Jackie had made about three times the amount of what the girl would need, and that somehow made her question if Jan could possibly benefit from something like this as well. The blonde had a basically nonexistent sleeping schedule and, even though it didn’t seem to affect her, Jackie worried about it a lot. Weirdly enough though, thinking about Jan’s lack of a sleeping schedule made her think about a very cute memory of them, which had taken place at the very beginning of their relationship. Not that they had been dating for long anyway, only a few months at this point, but it always felt as if they had known each other since the day they were born. Still, everything had seemed much simpler at the beginning without the strong bond, but Jackie wouldn't trade what she had with Jan now for anything.

_ The evening was going perfectly. Jackie had been nervous to ask Jan to come to her place after such a short amount of dating just a few hours earlier, now she didn’t even know why anymore. Maybe it had just been because it somehow felt a bit weird inviting someone over when you were literally living next to each other already. The excitement on Jan’s face had been precious after the (seemingly) spontaneous invitation, the way her face had lit up with pure happiness, an expression that made it seem like the world was a happy and completely peaceful place. And the only reason for that huge reaction was the fact that Jackie had remembered Jan telling her about a movie she had really wanted to watch, but since any human that hadn't gotten lost in the forest tended to be weirded out by her, or just witches in general. It wasn't that they looked or behaved any differently than the other humans in public, but somehow people could still tell that they were different. Jan didn't like the stares and the glances, they made her uncomfortable, so she avoided places with humans as much as possible, obviously that included the cinema. Because of that, Jackie had dedicated an embarrassingly long amount of time to find it online, more or less legally. Probably less than legally though. Unfortunately witching powers couldn't really be used for finding a movie. On top of that, the movie wouldn’t come out as a dvd anytime soon and she had just wanted to make Jan happy. The almost aggressive hug and kiss she received had been worth every second of the time consuming internet search. Now, the evening had been going great until they had started the movie. Unfortunately, it turned out that it wasn’t that great after all. Or maybe it wasn’t the movie’s fault that Jackie fell asleep. Jan and Jackie had been sharing Jackie’s tiny couch that, in theory, was only made for one person but somehow they had managed to make it work. Jan had practically just decided the position for both of them, pulling Jackie’s head right into her lap so she could play with her long, thick, shiny and incredibly silky hair before braiding it. When Jackie woke back up at around 5am, the sun had already started to rise. The most shocking thing about the whole situation was that Jan was still carefully running her fingers through Jackie’s hair while watching what appeared to be a documentary about spiders. Jan seemed to be quite interested, her eyes were practically glued to the bright tv screen. Jackie decided to speak up when the sleepiness wasn’t as overwhelming anymore and she could think a bit more clearly. _

_ “Why are you still up? And more importantly, don’t even think about getting a pet spider.” _

_ Jan looked like she wanted to argue for a second, but then decided to save that topic for another time. _

_ “It’s fine, it’s not like I usually go to bed earlier. You looked really cute and peaceful so I didn’t want to wake you up. The sad thing is that I couldn’t even get a picture because I don’t have my phone near me. Also that’s the reason why I’m watching that documentary, I couldn’t get up to get the remote to change the program. However-" _

_ “No pet spider. I can already see you forgetting to close its enclosure and then you getting bitten by it. Also, you’re going to stay here for the night, right? It’s so late, it’s literally…” _

_ Jackie checked her phone before continuing. _

_ “5:13am.” _

_ It wasn't that Jan couldn't just get to her own house that happened to be just a couple of meters away, but still, the blonde seemed extremely excited. Maybe even a bit too excited considering the time and the fact that she hadn’t slept at all yet. _

_ “Does that mean we'll sleep together for the first time?” _

_ “Are you comfortable with that idea?” Jackie didn’t want to overwhelm Jan. After all, they were taking everything a bit slower than the average couple, just so they could enjoy and appreciate each new step more. _

_ “Are you kidding? Of course!” Jan looked a bit apologetic. _

_ “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be that loud, I’m just a tiny bit excited.” _

_ Jackie smiled and shook her head. _

_ “It’s really cute actually, but how do you still have so much energy?” _

_ Jan blushed slightly. _

_ “I don’t know, but you should probably get some more sleep, you looked like you really needed it.” _

_ “Jan, you’re supposed to sleep as well. It’s important.” _

_ “Yeah, yeah, I know.” _

Sleep was very important in her opinion, especially for someone like Jan, a healer who was constantly using (or, more accurately, abusing) her powers with not much rest in between her sessions. And no matter how Jackie, or literally any of the other witches tried to get Jan to look after herself more, she just didn’t, always claiming she was fine and that it wasn’t a big deal. Jackie knew better than that though, even now she could feel that Jan’s energy had basically run out completely already. Sadly nothing out of the ordinary, but it felt even worse today, and Jackie just couldn’t take it anymore, so as soon as she could, she essentially ran out the door in order to find her girlfriend. 

Outside, it was getting slightly dark already, the sun was setting already, and it was slightly windy. The temperature was still nice though, it was pretty warm.

Jan was waving a very happy looking human goodbye, telling them to be careful next time. There was a bright smile on her face, but Jackie didn’t miss the way the blonde was pale, and she was shivering slightly. Not a good sign. Technically, healers should take breaks after each person, but, as always, Jan just didn’t care and instead ignored every signal to take a break. Jackie was determined not to let that happen today though. Now, her first instinct had been to just forcefully drag the blonde inside in order to stop her from that self destructive behavior, but Jackie, being rational, then decided to try a nicer and less violent method first. If it didn’t work out, she could still use her first plan. 

“Jackie? Is everything alright? Are you okay?” Jan sounded extremely concerned and even slightly panicked. She immediately went in her full professional mode, summoning the last of her powers, and taking Jackie’s hand (her preferred way of doing the healing.)

Before Jackie could do, or even say anything, she saw Jan’s eyes lighting up, turning from brown to gold, like they always did whenever she used her powers. Jackie tried to move away from her girlfriend.

“Jan, no, stop. I’m okay, I promise. Please. Don’t.” 

With an expression somewhere between hurt and apologetic, Jan did as she was told. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just, people usually need my help throughout the day, guess I still was in that mindset.”

“No, please don’t apologize, I didn’t mean to push you away like that. Honestly, I’m just here to tell you that you need to take a break right now. We’ve talked about this.”

Jan could practically feel how she was starting to get defensive.

“But Jackie, you don’t understand! I can’t, this is what I’m meant to do, and what if someone needs me?” 

Jackie closed the distance between them again, and gently cupped Jan’s face with her hand. They locked eyes for a few moments, actually seeing each other and every single emotion, there was no hiding any of them. It just didn't matter if they tried, their eyes were the colored windows of their soul and therefore couldn’t lie. At least not to each other.

“Baby, this needs to stop. You can’t keep pushing yourself like that all the time, everyone has a breaking point. And don’t even think about making excuses, we’re literally bonded emotionally, so I can feel what you’re going through. And it hurts, it hurts so much, I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself.”

Jan could see the hurt in her girlfriend’s eyes, pain she couldn’t make better with her powers, and she felt something inside her breaking. She felt powerless. Hurting Jackie was the last thing she wanted. She felt defeated, her previous defensiveness was simply gone.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that, I didn’t realize you’d care so much I-" She was stopped by Jackie pulling her into a hug.

“Jan, I’m sorry, but that last sentence was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Of course I care, you’re my girlfriend, and, it’s too early to say it, but you know exactly what I mean.”

This seemed to be all it needed to push Jan over the edge. Jackie heard a sob that sounded like someone was choking on their tears and a few moments later, Jan was silently crying, unable to stop. Jackie did her best to calm the blonde down, but Jan didn’t even seem to hear her. A few moments later, it all made sense. Suddenly Jackie had to support Jan’s entire weight in order to keep her upright. The blonde wasn’t heavy, but her suddenly fainting in combination with the bond getting interrupted, it felt like it had just suddenly been torn apart, leaving a painful open wound, was extremely scary. 

Just a few seconds later though, before Jackie had the chance to do anything to help, Jan seemed to have recovered from her fainting spell, slowly opening her eyes before fully realizing what had happened. Deciding to put on her strong, happy persona again, she tried to push away from Jackie to show her that she was fine, but Jackie was holding onto her tightly, and Jan couldn’t free herself. The blonde could feel the bond come back, although she kind of wished it wouldn’t have been there at this very moment. She could feel what Jackie was feeling, and right now, knowing what she was dealing with was painful. Her girlfriend was hurting, and it was all her fault. Jan felt incredibly guilty about it, but there was no way she would change her ways; it simply wasn’t possible for her.

“Jackie, I’m fine, you can let go now, it’s okay.” Jan forced herself to speak in her usual enthusiastic tone, although she felt like she was slowly dying from the inside, but Jackie didn’t need to know that. Maybe pretending in a convincing way would magically confuse the bond as well.

“Are you seriously trying to tell me that you’re okay?” Jackie didn’t believe a single word and therefore didn’t move, she was scared the blonde would faint again.

“Uhm…yes?” Jan knew that her leftover options of pretending to be alright were essentially nonexistent now, but she didn’t want to admit anything.

“Jan. Baby, you just fainted right in front of me. You’re clearly not fine. And you can’t help anyone if you’re exhausted to the point of fainting.”

“But-"

“This is really not up for discussion. I’ll let go of you now so we can get you inside, okay?”

“Okay.” Jan decided to give in for now, there was no point in arguing, and she didn’t want to hurt Jackie any more than she already had.

The second Jackie let go of Jan, the blonde struggled with just standing on her own. Jan was trying her best, but her body didn’t want to cooperate with her. She was seeing dark spots again, making it almost impossible to see, and difficult to keep her balance, and her legs were shaking dangerously, but just when she had accepted that she would probably collapse within the next few seconds, she felt herself being carefully lifted from the ground.

“Jacks, stop, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Jan, you’re not heavy, so I won’t, I promise. Besides, I’m not letting you faint again. So, my place or yours? See, you even get to choose.”

“Yours?” Jan said it in such a cute and insecure way it would have made Jackie chuckle hadn’t she been so worried. 

“Alright, my place it is, then.” 

Since the village was just that tiny, Jackie’s place was just a few meters away. Living with just a few people she could trust also meant that Jackie never locked her door, so getting inside was easy, even with Jan in her arms. 

Inside, Jackie wasn’t sure what would be the best thing to do next. Since her kitchen was the nearest room to the entrance, she decided to make a pit stop there. She carefully transferred Jan from her arms to onto the counter. The blonde tried her best to look awake, but now that she had accepted defeat, her body was doing everything in its power to claim the needed rest, therefore Jan just barely managed to keep her eyes open.

“Sorry angel, I promise you can sleep really soon, alright? But I just want to make sure that you'll be okay. Do you think you can eat right now?”

Jan simply shook her head. Judging from how tired the girl looked, Jackie wasn’t surprised, but obviously not happy about it.

“That’s okay. However…” She paused for a moment in order to grab a few things from the kitchen. A minute later, she held out a glass of fruit juice to Jan, although there was probably some kind of potion. The drink was turning from pale orange to a pretty, vivid pink. The blonde made no attempt to grab it though.

“Do I really have to?” she sighed, not really feeling like putting anything into her body. She doubted she would even manage to stay awake for long enough to drink it.

Jackie decided to use the most stern voice she could do, the one that didn’t leave room for any discussions.

“Jan. You need to. It’s important, we can’t have you faint again.” Then, in a more gentle tone; “It’ll make you feel better, I promise.”

Jan sighed, but accepted the glass, her hands were shaking as she did so. She had to focus completely on not dropping it accidentally. After staring at the object for a few seconds, she carefully took a few sips before setting the glass on the counter next to her, too tired to finish it. The blonde hoped that Jackie would be alright with her attempt anyway.

“Baby, do you think you can try to drink the rest?” Jackie asked despite already half expecting the following headshake.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay angel, in that case we’ll try something else.” With that, she held up one of those tiny dropper bottles she liked to use to store some of her potions in. This one was presumably the one that had turned the juice pink as well. Inside of the glass bottle it was almost completely clear, barely tinted pink.

“It looks pretty.” Although Jan was unbelievably tired, she didn’t want to sit there completely unresponsive.

“Yes it is, the color is so pretty. Alright, I need you to open your mouth for a second, okay? I’m just going to give you a few more drops of this, okay? It doesn’t taste like anything, don't worry. And it will help you.”

Jan wasn’t about to make an even bigger deal out of the situation than it already was, so she just slowly nodded and opened her mouth obediently, feeling the flavorless liquid being dripped on her tongue.

“Okay, here we go. That’s better.”

“Thank you.” No matter how tired she was, the blonde still tried to show her appreciation. She was used to pushing away every feeling of being tired or weak anyway, but this time it was harder than usual.

“Oh, Jan, of course, no need to thank me. Seriously, sometimes I think you don’t understand how important you are to me and how much I care about you.”

There was a very telling sparkle in Jan’s eyes that confirmed that Jackie had managed to actually get Jan to listen and accept that this was real and serious. In this moment, Jan actually had a split second of doubt about the way she was living and how it was negatively affecting Jackie, her girlfriend, the person she never wanted to see sad. The person that meant the world to her, even after just a short while of dating. They had something so special, something that no one would ever be able to take away from them no matter what. And Jan knew exactly that she was hurting Jackie with her actions. But she couldn’t stop doing what she was meant to do. Who was she without her powers anyway?

“I care about you too. Honestly I don’t know what I would do without you.” Jan immediately bit her lip after saying this. Had it been too early to say something like that? Although it felt like the two of them had been together for a long time, words still held a great power to them. They could be used as a weapon, hurting someone in one the most cruel ways. An invisible knife to the heart that couldn’t ever be removed again. Of course, saying something wrong could always just be awkward and badly timed, resulting in making someone uncomfortable or even making that person turn away even though the original intention for saying it had been a positive one.

Jackie, however, just smiled sweetly.

“I wouldn’t know either.” Then she remembered something.

“As much as I’d like to continue talking to you because I really enjoy doing so obviously, you look like you need about…well, a lot of rest. At least a couple of hours probably. I mean what I gave you earlier was supposed to kind of have the side effect of making you really tired, and yet you’re still awake.”

“Maybe I’m lucky and don’t experience the side effects? Everyone is different and I mean I do feel a lot better, so I think I’m good to continue-"

“For fuck's sake, Jan, are you kidding me?” 

Since Jackie usually was able to keep calm, even in difficult situations, seeing her frustrated like this was very unusual, and Jan looked at her with a slightly scared expression. After Jackie realized that she had probably frightened her girlfriend with her behavior, she took a few deep breaths, forcing herself to calm down again.

“I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you, I really do. But you can’t help anyone like this. I know you don’t want to see it, but everyone has a limit, and going beyond that limit is really, really dangerous. You’re just one single person, you can only do so much. I mean just look at what happened to you. So please, please don’t do this to me again. I hate seeing you suffer like that so much.”

Jackie quickly looked away from Jan and at the ground, intensely blinking a few times to prevent the slight burn of her eyes from becoming tears. Once she was sure none of them were going to spill over, she continued talking, not even waiting for Jan to respond.

“Anyway. You need some rest now, so let’s get you to bed. It’s probably more comfortable than the counter.”

“Yeah, okay...”

Seeing Jan giving up just like that was extremely worrisome. A few seconds after that realization, Jackie could feel exactly why. There was so much more pain coming from Jan, but it felt different from the kind that 

was already there. It felt sharp and hot, it was almost burning. It wasn't something she had felt often or even was able to guess the cause of.

“Jan, what just happened?”

“What do you mean? Nothing happened, I’m okay.”

And just like that, the feeling was gone again. It was like it had never been there in the first place. Jackie started questioning if she was imagining things at this point. But it had felt so real that there was no way it hadn't been.

The dark haired girl pushed aside her thoughts, she wanted to be actually present instead of in her head, she wanted to be there for Jan.

“How dizzy are you right now? Do you think you can stand again already? And be honest for once, please.”

Jan looked hurt for a second, but then realized that Jackie wasn’t even that wrong about not believing her anymore.

“I think so, yeah.”

“Alright. In that case I’ll help you to get off the counter now, okay?” As much as Jackie wanted to trust Jan, she mentally braced herself for any bad scenario that could happen. Although bond wise there was no sign of that weird, stinging pain from before anymore, Jackie was still scared she’d had to witness her girlfriend losing consciousness again, and she wasn’t sure if she could endure the horrific sight once more.

Jan realized that Jackie was thinking about something too much again, a habit that the blonde had seen a lot already. It was something about her eyes that really changed, they would go slightly lighter or darker, depending on what she was thinking about and it was almost as if they gave away what her thoughts were at different times. Usually Jan thought it was cute, but Jackie didn’t look like she was in a happy place.

To convince Jackie she was fine now, Jan slowly pushed herself off the counter, carefully avoiding fast movements so she wouldn’t get dizzy again. This seemed to make the dark haired girl snap back to reality, as she immediately held onto Jan in an almost panicked manner.

“Oh my god, why do you always do that?”

“Do what?” 

“Just doing things without thinking about any consequences that could happen.”

Jan shrugged. “I just…got off the counter? I think you’re overreacting a bit, Jacks.”

“You know exactly what I mean! You always do this and you never seem to learn, and damn it, Jan, it scares me. It scares me so much.” 

Jan had never seen Jackie act like that, her voice all out of control and emotions that changed so quickly from extremely frustrated, almost angry to completely broken and hopeless. It was slightly scary to her as well, but she was mostly worried. Determined to calm her down, the blonde reached out to Jackie, gently cupping her face and stroking her cheek. 

“Shh, calm down, everything is alright now, I promise. We'll be okay.”

“But…”

Jan smiled and slowly shook her head. “No. No buts. Just try to believe me and maybe try not to use your head for a bit, do you think you can do that? I don’t think that overthinking is the best thing you can do right now.”

“Maybe you’re right…and I think I know exactly what’s going to help me with that.”

Jan’s eyes lit up. “Oh, really? That’s great, what is it?”

Jackie didn’t respond at first, instead she securely wrapped an arm around Jan’s waist to both make sure she would neither fall down again nor try to get away. 

“You finally getting the rest you need pretty badly.”

Jan, as already expected, didn’t look too happy about that.

“Honestly, I don’t think I like that idea a whole lot.”

Jackie almost chuckled at the ridiculousness of it. This whole behavior was about as ‘Jan’ as it could get.

“Well, too bad, because I do. So, come on, stop pouting about it, and just cooperate with me for once, okay?”

“Fine.”

“Okay, then let’s go upstairs?”

Jan shrugged, she didn’t really care about it too much. It wasn't as if she was planning on actually sleeping anyway. “Sure.”

The walk upstairs went pretty uneventful. Jan, of course, had insisted she could walk on her own, so, naturally, Jackie had remained her grip on the blonde, just in case. Thankfully the worst case scenario hadn’t occurred and Jackie was eternally grateful. Well, until she realized that she now somehow had to convince Jan to sleep-this was going to be an almost impossible and grueling task.

Mentally preparing herself for it, she led Jan into the fairly small bedroom, and made her sit down on the bed. Jan didn’t seem to get the hint though, she stayed in her seated position and didn’t move. 

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “Come on, lie down.”

“But…I’m not even tired?” Jan tried, lowering her gaze to the ground.

“Jan.” The stern voice was back again, and it showed effect. 

“I’m just saying…” 

“Jan.”

“Fine,” Jan drawled, which made her sound a bit whiny, but then she reluctantly moved into a lying position. While doing so, she kept eye contact with Jackie.

“Happy now?” At this point she couldn’t quite hide her slight annoyance which was caused by worrying about not being available to help anyone. What if someone needed her at this very moment while she was essentially doing nothing?

“Very, because now I actually get to make sure you’re not overdoing it like you usually are.”

And, just like that, all of the annoyance was gone again. Jackie had said it in such a sincere way that Jan was getting emotional. It made her feel like she couldn’t even look at her girlfriend without having to be scared that she'd start crying again, so she lowered her gaze as best as she could before speaking.

“I’m not even doing that much…”

Jackie decided that trying to explain to the blonde how wrong she was wouldn’t do anything, so she just put on a pretty forced smile.

“Okay, now you’re just in denial. Just…please, just go to sleep now, alright? You need it.”

“Okay. But…you won’t leave me now, right?” Jan immediately felt like she was being too clingy, too vulnerable. Her face was getting hot as she was blushing furiously and wished she had the ability to turn back time.

“As if I’d trust you enough to leave you alone and expect you to do what you’re supposed to. All jokes aside though angel, did you really think I was going to just leave?”

“Well…kinda?”

Jackie shook her head, and then leaned forward to give Jan a quick peck on the lips.

“I would never. I won’t leave you, I promise.” Suddenly, Jackie seemed to remember something, she quickly grabbed her phone from the small nightstand next to the bed in order to check the time.

“Actually I might have to go outside for like two minutes. I’m so sorry. Remember that one girl that was acting pretty odd and wouldn't let you get close to her? She should be here in like a minute, so I was just going to go outside to give her the potion, and if she’s not there yet, I’ll just tell someone else to give it to her. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, of course, don’t worry, I can wait,” Jan replied quickly.

“Alright then. Just…don’t move until I’m back and whatever you do, don’t try to get up on your own yet, okay?”

Jan rolled her eyes, but then chuckled. “Jacks, it’s okay. I’m not a kid anymore, I will be fine on my own for a couple of minutes.”

“Well, I’m not completely sure about that,” Jackie whispered under her breath so Jan wouldn’t be able to hear her. “I’ll make the whole thing as quick as possible, I promise.” With that, she softly kissed Jan’s forehead before leaving the room.

Rather quickly she went downstairs in order to go into her workroom. Once she was inside of it, she searched for a glass flask. The room was very organized for the most part, but sometimes, especially right after working in it, it wasn’t, and today was one of those days. After around a minute of searching though, she finally found what she had been looking for. 

Carefully, she poured some of the light blue liquid (at least that's what she saw it as, light blue, apparently everyone saw it as a different color) into the flask, making sure not to spill any of it. Though it was unlikely, she was still cautious and generally tried to avoid breathing too much while handling this kind of potion, just because she didn’t want to fall asleep in her workroom. Thankfully, no such thing happened. Once she was done, she sealed the container with a glass cork. Glass, just because sometimes the natural ones could mess around with the effect of the potion, or even cause it to become useless, if it was a delicate one. Plus it just looked more aesthetically pleasing. The last thing to do now was finished very quickly, finding the right, pre written instructions on how to use it.

Jackie made her way outside once again, hoping the girl would be there already so the whole interaction would be over soon. Usually Jackie really enjoyed the contact with humans, but something about that particular person was…off, plus she didn’t want to leave Jan alone for too long. She couldn’t feel anything extremely concerning, but now she knew that this could change dramatically within mere seconds.

Luckily for her, there was in fact a figure standing outside, looking a little awkward and staring blankly at nothing in particular. She looked worse than last time Jackie had seen her. Everyone could tell that whatever this person was suffering from was something that no one in this village would be able to cure, simply because no one could tell what exactly it was. It was something supernatural for sure, but it was simply impossible to pinpoint what exactly it was. No one had ever seen anything similar to it at least. Nevertheless Jackie put on her best smile and walked up to the girl.

“Hey.” The girl’s voice sounded almost lifeless, the sound of it caused Jackie to feel shivers run down her spine.

“Hi. How have you been?” Jackie was trying her hardest to sound interested and friendly although she wanted nothing more than the conversation to be over. She couldn’t even say why, but being in the presence of this other person felt uncomfortable, it was as if there was some kind of danger nearby. 

“Well…I mean not great, but for some reason I think it will get a lot better really soon…”

That sentence felt a bit unsettling, but with the way the day had been going, Jackie was probably just getting paranoid.

“That’s great, I’m happy for you. Here you go, I hope it will be useful for you.”

With that, she handed the other person the flask along with the instructions. Their hands briefly touched during that interaction. That touch had been the weirdest and unpleasant one Jackie had ever felt. It was cold and even moderately painful for a few seconds. Somewhat similar to that burning sensation she had experienced earlier. Even after the girl had left, looking a lot happier already, Jackie didn’t feel a lot better, she started feeling something indescribable, though dizziness was the sensation it was closest to. She could feel her heart pounding so fast and hard it was starting to hurt.

And just when she thought something bad was going to happen as a consequence of that whole situation, the exact opposite happened. Her crystal necklace she basically wore all the time for protection from evil creatures of the forest started to glow intensely, effectively calming her down and therefore stop her heart from beating that aggressively. Something was wrong, she now had the confirmation, otherwise it wouldn't have started to glow, but she still had no idea what exactly it was.

Since there was no way for her to find out right away, she decided to worry about it later as she didn’t want to leave Jan alone for too long. The blonde probably needed her.

Her guess turned out to be right. As soon as Jackie entered the bedroom again, she could tell that something was wrong right away. It was way too quiet and Jan hadn’t even seemed to acknowledge Jackie’s return. 

The blonde was curled up on the bed, covering her face. Her entire body was trembling with her sobs which she tried to suppress. She still wasn't reacting to Jackie, she didn’t even seem aware of her surroundings. Jackie could feel her heart break. What had happened to her girlfriend while she had only been gone for a couple of minutes? 

Jackie sat on the floor next to Jan cross legged, facing her. She wasn’t quite sure what was wrong, and that made her feel completely helpless. Feeling helpless was something she hated. Jan obviously wasn’t in a state in which she could tell Jackie what exactly had happened, so the dark haired girl tried her best to calm down her girlfriend first. 

Carefully, as if the blonde was made from glass and could break if Jackie touched her too firmly, she brushed Jan’s hair out of the girl’s face. She kept stroking Jan’s soft hair, and placed a feather light kiss on her forehead and a few more on her cheeks. Since the blonde’s tears still refused to stop, Jackie started wiping them away as best as she could, though it wasn’t quite helping as they just kept going. After a couple of seconds, Jan started reacting to Jackie’s touch, lifting her head and actually looking at the dark haired girl.

“Hey,” Jackie said gently.

“Hi,” Jan replied, her voice was shaky and she had a look of fear on her face.

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“I should be asking you the same thing! You were gone and then suddenly I felt like something happened to you. So I tried to get up to go check on you of course. But I couldn’t…I couldn’t move. I felt like I was completely paralyzed, I just couldn’t do anything. It was horrible Jacks, so awful!” 

Jan started crying harder again, she didn’t have any control over her feelings anymore.

“It’s okay baby, come here.” Jackie got off the floor and lied down next to Jan, pulling her into a hug.

“Everything is okay now, I promise. You’re safe now, nothing like that is going to happen to you again, I’ll make sure of that, I promise. Just try to breathe and relax for now, okay? I’ll stay with you of course.”

As much as Jan wanted to just follow Jackie’s instructions, she needed clarity.

“But what actually happened? I know I didn’t feel what I felt for no reason.”

“Okay, well…I do admit it was a bit weird. When I gave the girl her potion, our hands kind of touched accidentally and it hurt for a few seconds. I really don’t know.”

“It hurt? Are you okay now?” Jan’s concern was evident in her voice. That was part of the reason why Jackie had been reluctant to tell her.

“I’m fine Jan, don’t worry about me. You should really be the only person to worry about at the moment.”

“But…”

“Just believe me, alright? And also, if it will calm you down, no one except that girl was outside, so really you can take a break and go to sleep.”

“For how long?” Jan still didn’t like the suggestion a lot.

“Just until your powers are somewhat recovered. I would obviously prefer to wait until you’re totally great again, but you’ve probably abused them enough that they will take an eternity to recover completely.”

“Alright, okay.”

They both fell silent afterwards. It lasted for about half an hour before Jackie felt the need to speak up again.

“Baby, look. You’re not fooling anyone, I can tell you’re awake right now because you’re completely tense. What’s the matter with you?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Jan sighed, she really wasn’t necessarily trying to stay awake anymore, she didn’t quite have the energy to do so anyway, it was just her mind telling her to do so. 

Jackie let out a sigh too.

“Oh Jan, what am I going to do with you?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, please don’t be. It’s not your fault, I know how hard it is for you, I really do. So just try your best to relax just a tiny bit for now, alright? Maybe start by not letting your mind have full control over you, I don’t think it’s giving you the best advice right now.”

“But what am I supposed to do about it?” Since Jan seemed to genuinely struggle instead of simply fighting sleep, Jackie immediately tried to come up with the best method she could think of to help the blonde.

“Close your eyes for me, can you do that? See, way better already. There’s no need for you to be awake right now, so just try to accept that. I promise that no one currently is in need of your immediate attention, I checked. Besides, and I know I've already told you this but still, as much as you don’t want to accept it, we all have limits, even if you pretend you don’t. I think you can’t see that what you’re doing is enough already, more than enough actually. So taking this one break is not going to change that.”

“Really?” By the sound of Jan’s voice, Jackie could tell that she had managed to actually effectively reassure her girlfriend and she was very grateful for that.

“Of course, I wouldn’t lie to you. Try to ignore all the bad things your mind is telling you to now and think of something nice, alright?” As if it could actually remove said thoughts, Jackie kissed Jan’s forehead once again.

“I think it’s helping honestly. If you kiss me I automatically think of you and that’s really great. I mean I think about you all the time, but it’s different when we’re actually together like this…can you please do it again?” The blonde blushed slightly after her question.

Sometimes Jan would start rambling when she was tired, so Jackie really hoped that this was the case this time as well.

“Of course,” she answered, and placed another kiss on Jan’s forehead, then an additional one for good measure on her cheek.

“Thank you, that was really amazing.”

“Of course,” Jackie chuckled. Jan sometimes really was too cute for her own good, especially when she got way too happy or excited about small things like those quick kisses.

“Alright angel, happy now? Ready to go to sleep?”

“I’ll try,” Jan answered honestly. She hoped everything would be alright. Alongside her fear of sleeping while someone needed her help, there was something else that she tried to keep a secret. She had nightmares almost every single night. Over time she had learned how to keep quiet whenever she would wake up completely scared in the middle of the night as she didn’t want to wake up Jackie. The dark haired girl would probably worry too much about it like she always did. On top of that, Jan felt a bit childish for even having nightmares in the first place and for letting them scare her enough to make her lose a lot of sleep.

Today seemed to be no exception. It took her a while to even be able to fall asleep. It was nothing out of the usual, but an actual pain to deal with. On top of that, once she did manage to fall asleep, she didn’t even get any actual rest, instead she experienced another nightmare.

_ She was walking in the forest. She didn’t exactly know why, all she knew was that she had to do it and that she didn’t know where she was exactly. It was completely dark and cold. The atmosphere in general was a bit spooky. It was completely void of any sound, safe the wind rustling the leaves on the trees. Her surroundings were a bit similar to a horror movie almost. She had never been the biggest fan of them as they scared her and sometimes she got scared quite easily. There was something else too that added to her wish to leave her current location as soon as she could. It was a feeling that something was about to happen. Something really bad, something absolutely horrifying. It was that uncanny feeling of knowing something wasn’t exactly right, but at the same time not knowing what exactly it was or when it would happen. She wished that Jackie was there with her right now, it would have made her feel a lot less frightened. At the same time however she was glad no one except her had to go through this, walking around in a forest during the cold night. Habitually, she reached up to her neck, clutching her crystal necklace. It was made from black tourmaline and there was some added magic to it as well. It wasn’t just pretty to look at, it served an actual purpose as well. It was supposed to protect her from any of the supernatural creatures haunting the forest. And so far, it had done a perfect job at it, she had never gotten hurt by anything. So at this point she completely trusted its abilities and relied on it for protecting her and keeping anything bad away from her. Touching the cool, smooth stone actually helped for a little while, giving her a sense of safety. This feeling was short lived, however. The crystal was starting to heat up on its own. Her hands were cold anyway, so at first it was actually kind of pleasant. Nothing like that had ever happened before though and therefore it didn’t seem to be a good thing. Soon the crystal felt too hot to touch. Letting go of it, however meant that the feeling of safety would be gone, plus the stone was probably burning the delicate skin on her neck. She knew that she couldn’t take it off though, otherwise she wouldn’t have any protection anymore. After walking a couple more steps, she heard a quiet crack. It hadn’t sounded like it had come from the forest or something she had stepped on accidentally, but what else could it be? Instinctively, she touched her necklace again, almost burning herself in the process. From what she had felt though, it was the crystal that had cracked. Not good at all. She knew that the magic was kept inside of the stone, so if it was cracked, that magic could simply escape from it. If that happened, she would be left completely defenseless. Just as she had finished that thought, she heard another crack. It was frightening her now. She had read the books, there were a lot of creatures in the forest and she really didn’t want to encounter any of them ever. Most of them, if not all, were extremely dangerous. They had no soul, no emotions and the only thing that was keeping them alive was killing whatever dared to come near them. She didn’t know whether she was imagining things at this point or not, but she was almost certain she had heard footsteps of some sort. She was sure that she definitely wasn’t alone anymore and that wasn’t exactly a good thing. She walked at a much faster pace now, almost fast enough for it to be considered running, deliberately ignoring the cracking sounds she was able to hear every couple of steps. She needed to get out of there as soon as possible. By now she was sure that she was actually seeing the silhouettes of creatures that didn’t have any resemblance to anything she had ever seen before. Not knowing what they were or even if they were actually real was terrifying. No matter how much she walked through, there was no escape. She was trapped in this dark forest, no one would be able to hear her if she tried screaming for help. She could see more and more of the shadow like creatures, and they seemed to be coming closer to her now which shouldn’t even be possible. It scared her enough that she reached for her necklace again. It burned her hand, but she was too frightened to let go of it. The cracks were all over it now. As if on cue, the crystal started crumbling and then breaking into pieces, the magic quickly escaped from it, lighting up her surroundings for a split second as it did so. This meant that her only source of safety was now more or less useless. She tried to hold on to the broken pieces regardless, even if the damage was irreparable, it was still better than nothing. Not even that was possible though. After a couple of seconds the remains of the black tourmaline simply turned into dust, leaving her without any protection now whatsoever. She couldn’t do anything about it. She knew she would be attacked by the creatures now, it was only a matter of time. There was no escape from them. They seemed to have noticed that as well, they surrounded her, effectively trapping her without any chance of escaping. She realized that this was the end. All of the things she had planned on doing, all the time she had planned on spending with Jackie. It was never going to happen. She didn’t even get to say goodbye to her. This realization alone hurt more than the first attack of poisonous claws started the only task they were supposed to do. Eliminate. Then, a second later, a different set of claws digging their way into her ribcage. Soon, a third one followed. She didn’t feel anything but paralyzing pain anymore. There was a claw directly aiming at her throat, coming closer… _

Jan woke up, still reasonably terrified and breathing heavily. She wanted to scream, but then she remembered where she was. To prevent any unwanted sound from escaping, she quickly covered her mouth. There was no way she would bother Jackie with her childish nightmares, so she did her best to relax as much as she could and redirect her attention to the present. 

Jackie was still holding her in her arms, peacefully asleep. Jan behaved as quietly as she could as to not wake up her girlfriend. She could have tried to get some more sleep of course, but she didn’t want to do that for obvious reasons. Part of her wanted to go outside to check for any people who needed her help. Since that would require waking up Jackie though as the dark haired girl had such a hard grip on her as if she knew what Jan was thinking, the blonde decided against it. Instead she snuggled closer to her girlfriend which made her feel a bit better immediately.

Apparently even that had been too much, Jackie woke up after a couple of minutes.

“You okay baby? Your heart is racing.” Jackie’s voice was still heavy with sleep, but even in that state she could feel that there was something going on that wasn’t quite right.

“Yeah, of course. Slept well? I’m sorry I woke you up.” Jan’s voice sounded apologetic.

“Don’t worry about it angel. You woke me up in the sweetest way after all. I slept fine, what about you? You seem pretty awake already.”

“Oh, really? I’m glad, I slept great too. And I feel amazing now. So can I please go check outside?”

“Jan…” Jackie started, but decided she wasn’t awake enough yet to deal with Jan’s stubbornness.

“You know what? Do it, but I’ll come with you.”

“Are you sure about that? It’s dark outside and probably cold now. I know how much you hate being cold.”

“Well, to be fair I don’t think anyone likes it. And yet you don’t ever seem to care about the weather or the temperature outside.”

“Really, you can just stay here. I won’t be gone for long anyway.”

“Jan. I know you too well. That’s a lie and we both know how it would end.”

“Let’s just go please.”

They spent around 20 minutes outside, thankfully not much longer because it was indeed freezing now. Not even staying as close as they could to each other was helping significantly. The cold temperature somehow helped Jan calm her nerves though, so it wasn’t all that bad. The blonde wasn’t quite sure though if her powers were even recovered enough already to actually help anyone. As good as she was at pretending to be fine, she had no control over how long it took for her magic to be usable again. She hated it more than anything. If there only was a way for her to control it. Well, there was one, but if anyone found out about it…it was too much of a risk. At least for now.

“You’re quiet, what are you thinking about?” Jackie really never seemed to miss anything, she was great at observing others.

“Oh, nothing important. Will you be okay with staying here for a couple of minutes?”

“Five more minutes, that’s it. We’re both going to freeze to death otherwise and then neither of us will be able to help anyone.”

That statement made Jan chuckle.

“Wow, you’re dramatic. I promise I won’t let you freeze to death.”

Fortunately, it was one of those rarer, more quiet nights so Jackie actually managed to convince Jan to go back inside with her without much more protesting. 

The two of them spent the rest of the evening together. They didn’t really do a lot except enjoying each other’s company. There was some random tv show in the background that neither of them particularly cared about, just to have some background noise. It really was those quiet evenings though in which they realized once more that they were just meant for each other. With any other person it would have been awkward, but instead it was far from it. Now, of course none of those nights were complete without exchanging kisses every so often, but other than that, it was really just them being close and not a lot of words were needed.

The night was similar. They spent it together as well obviously, and for once, Jan didn’t experience another nightmare, which was extremely rare for her. That still didn’t mean she had a particularly restful night though. Instead she would wake up constantly and immediately feel uneasy because as soon as she could think, her mind would immediately scare her with vivid images of people getting hurt and finding the village in desperate need of help and then she wasn’t there to help them. Realistically, it didn’t make sense as no one would even walk into an unknown forest in the middle of the night, but even that knowledge didn’t help in the slightest. Her desire to just go outside to see for herself and hopefully give her some peace of mind for a couple of minutes at least got almost unbearable, but she knew she couldn’t fulfill it. The second she would do so much as move too much, Jackie, who was probably still worried about her, would wake up and then probably lecture the blonde about why she was supposed to sleep and take breaks and so on. Jan had already heard it all. 

Eventually she managed to fall back asleep and didn’t wake up again until very early on the next day. 

Even with the way the night had been, she surprisingly woke up to a feeling of hopefulness and more awake than she had felt in actual weeks. She didn't know where the feeling had come from but she embraced it regardless. Maybe this morning wasn't just a morning, maybe it was a sign. A start to something new. Maybe even something better. 

  
  



End file.
